Posted on Thursday, March 24, 2011
in Emotional, Relational, Social, TreeHouse
True intimacy provides significance and security.
Significance is “a purpose for living which will give me a real and lasting impact on my world and a purpose which I am completely adequate to accomplish.”
Security comes from unconditional love, at TreeHouse we call it “love without strings.”. “People need that kind of love. We need, really need, to be loved as we are, loved at our worst. We need to regard ourselves as worthwhile. In order to do so, we must not only be significant but also be secure in the unconditional love of another person.”
Most of us struggle with insecurities: What’s going to happen to me?
Most of us struggle with a sense of insignificance. Who am I and why am I here?
We want to, we need to, feel significant and secure.
Waves of insecurity flows over us with greater strength during different seasons of life, but they are always there. One means of coping with the battering of those waves includes the exchange of words of affirmation.
Gary Smalley suggests that we, “Give seven or more praises for every one fault-finding suggestion.” I don’t affirm others with that frequency, but I have seen the most hardened and hurting people healed, over time, with true and meaningful words of affirmation.
Many times the swells of sorrow and shame sweep over wounded people. Words of affirmation can bring healing life a life preserver.
The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain…The words of the godly encourage…knowledge will rescue the righteous…the words of the godly save lives…Worry weighs a person down;an encouraging word cheers a person up…Gentle words are a tree of life…Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. 1
Here are ten proven steps to keep your love alive:
Communicate with her/him; never close her/him out.
Be interested in her/his friends.
Ask her/his opinion frequently.
Value what he/she says.
Avoid sudden major changes without discussion & without giving her/him time to adjust.
Learn to respond openly & verbally when he/she wants to communicate.
Comfort her/him when he/she is down emotionally without lectures or put-downs.
Be interested in what he/she feels is important in life.
Correct her/him gently & tenderly.
Allow her/him to teach you without putting up your defense. 2
1 – Selected from the book of Proverbs chapters 11-16, NLT.
2 – Adapted from Gary Smalley’s If Only He Knew