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Jun 3

Jerks & Bullies Are Near. Embrace Your Need To Be Heard.

Posted on Friday, June 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

I hated swimming in gym class.

It wasn’t bad enough that I didn’t like swimming, but the school pool had more chlorine in it than a toxic waste dump.

I’m certain that I would win a substantial lawsuit if I videotaped the other humiliations projected upon me by the gym teachers, but my least favorite part of swimming was when the teacher was out of the room.

One day two upperclassmen held me under the water in the deep end so long that I ABSOLUTELY PANICKED.

When either they finally let me go or I finally broke free,  I lay on the side of the pool vomiting that toxic waste dump smelling pool water FOREVER.

I still remember the taste of the chlorine-filled vomit.

Looking back, two questions come to mind:

1 – Why did they do it?  My guess, they were “jerks”.

2 – Why didn’t other classmates help me?  Maybe they were afraid of the “jerks”.

Some classmates are jerks.  Some teachers and coaches are jerks.  Some school administrators are jerks.

The list goes on and on.

Some loved ones are jerks.  Some neighbors are jerks.  Some drivers are jerks.  Some religious people are jerks.  Some police officers are jerks.  Some celebrities are jerks.  Some co-workers are jerks.  Some bosses are jerks.

My guess, if you’re anything like me is, you’ve been a jerk too.

You’re Not Alone

I know what it’s like not to know how to get help.

I know how it feels to think that your teachers, co-workers or your boss,  look forward to making fun of you too.

I know how it feels to go back in forth between hating yourself & wanting to take revenge.

I know how desperately you want to fit in.  I’m not taking about being popular, just left to live or work in peace.

I also know you are probably afraid to get help; fearing it will only get worse.


When I was stepped on — stood upon really — in the deep end of the pool I was soooo afraid.  I struggled as I was held underwater.  I cannot remember, but I have a faint memory of a hand reaching down as I panicked pulling me up to the surface.

I don’t know if that happened.  I don’t know who might have done it.  I do know I’m not alone.  I’m not the only one who felt the same way that I did.

The Deep Water of Despair – Dealing With jerks & Bullies

Deliver me, O God,
for the water has reached my neck.
I sink into the deep mire
where there is no solid ground;

I am in deep water,
and the current overpowers me.

I am exhausted from shouting for help;
my throat is sore;
my eyes grow tired of looking for my God.

Those who hate me without cause are more numerous than the hairs of my head.
Those who want to destroy me, my enemies for no reason, outnumber me. *

Sometimes there are no easy answers.  More later.

* From Psalm 69

Bring on the comments

  1. […] When I was thirteen I was held underwater by a gym-class bullies.  As much as I struggled and fought to break free I couldn’t.  I wrote about my experience with the fear of drowning here.  […]

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