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Sep 21

Intimate Friendships

Posted on Wednesday, September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

Reminder – Yesterday, I offered some tips about “happy friendships” you can find them here.

I’ve spent most of my adult life studying women — insert your joke here.  I’ve read books about femininity, anatomy and physiology, female health, historical Western women values, feminism, menstruation, and mood swings.  In fact, I’m reading a book right now by a woman for teen girls about teen guys. I’m reading it to understand how women view men.

In doing so, I have gained an incredible and valuable understanding that, frankly, many men don’t have.  

On the other hand, while I am a man, until the last couple of years I seldom read about men, masculinity or maleness.  While many men were excited about being “Wild at Heart”, I was probably reading Seventeen Magazine.

Fortunately, there have been several excellent books written to help men to become better men.  Today, I’m re-reading Patrick Morley’s The Man in the Mirror. 1

Here is an interesting quiz to help you think about the level of intimacy you are pursuing in your own friendships.  Morley wrote for men, I’ve left it up to you to adapt the questions to your own context.

1. When things go sour and you really feel lousy, do you have a friend you can tell?
___ Yes ___ No

2. Do you have a friend you can express any honest thought to without fear of appearing foolish?
___ Yes ___ No

3. Do you have a friend who will let you talk through a problem without giving you advice? That will just be a good listener?
___ Yes ___ No

4. Will your friend risk your disapproval to suggest you may be getting off track in your priorities?
___ Yes ___ No

5. Do you have a friend who will take the risk to tell you that you are sinning? Or using poor judgment?
___ Yes ___ No

6. If you had a moral failure, do you know that your friend would stand with you?
___ Yes ___ No

7. Is there a friend with whom you feel you are facing life together? A friend to talk over the struggles of life which are unique to men?
___ Yes ___ No

8. Do you have a friend you believe you can trust, that if you share confidential thoughts, they will stay confidential?
___ Yes ___ No

9. When you are vulnerable and transparent with your friend, are you convinced he will not think less of you?
___ Yes ___ No

10. Do you meet with a friend weekly or biweekly for fellowship and prayer, and possibly accountability?
___ Yes ___ No


Do you like your answers?  Invite others to take the quiz.  If they are content with their answers, ask where their contentment comes from and try to find out how you can apply some of their practices into your own life.


1 – Again, this “Pop Quiz” was taken from Patrick Morley’s The Man in the Mirror, pgs. 118-119.

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