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Jul 31

I Hate When…

Posted on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

I’m wrestling with myself, because…

I hate when I mess up.
I hate when I let down my guard.
I hate when I lower my standards.
I hate when I try to wiggle out.
I hate when I rationalize my choices.
I hate when I justify my behavior.
I hate when I make excuses.
I hate when I settle.
I hate when I plot stupid stuff.
I hate when I hide my failures.

I hate when I’m afraid to talk to God about what God already knows.
I hate when God reminds me there’s more to repent of.
I hate when I fear exposure.
I hate when I fear a loss of reputation.
I hate when I fear rejection.
I hate when I struggle with admitting my sins.
I hate when I try to image control.
I hate when I doubt your compassion.
I hate when I fear your wrath.
I hate when I loathe your righteousness.
I hate when I envy your perfection.
I hate when I feel your eyes on me.
I hate when I wonder if you’ll talk about me.

I hate when I choose to give in.
I hate when I choose to ignore Scripture.
I hate when I choose to ignore God’s presence.
I hate when I ignore my conscience.
I hate when I mute God’s warnings.
I hate when I ignore the “beware” signs.
I hate when shut off my self-control.

I hate when I hate myself enough to choose poorly.

Perhaps most of all, I hate when I let those hatreds keep me trapped in my guilt — which is good because I’ve sinned — and shame — which is a sin that tries to convince me that because I’ve sinned I’m a hopelessly defective failure.

Guilt = a healthy part of our conscience.
False Guilt = an unhealthy sense of guilt based on lies about our choices.
Shame = an unhealthy destructive set of lies about our nature.

Maybe this doesn’t make any sense to you, and I just sound like a rambling fool.

On the other hand, maybe you’ve felt the same feelings, and thought the same thoughts I do; if so, neither of us need to feel alone.

Fortunately, as my daughter Shannon pointed out, God doesn’t want us to stay stuck:

If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble.”

I hate when I’m afraid God will make my life worse when I admit to others my shortcomings.  God continues:

“I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me.
Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times;
I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.
I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!” 1

I want that.  I don’t want to settle.  This is mysilentscream!  

 

1 – Psalm 91:14-16, MSG

Bring on the comments

  1. I have felt all of those things, thanks for letting me know that I am not alone.

  2. I hate it when I refuse to listen to wise counsel because of my stubborness….

  3. And, thank you for your affirmation that I’m not alone.

  4. That makes two of us!

  5. Good article and right to the point. Thanks 🙂

  6. […] 2. Don’t make things worse by supporting their error or giving them excuses. […]

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