Posted on Saturday, February 23, 2013 in Uncategorized
Within twenty-four hours of publishing the two Dating Disaster “Date Rape” posts I took a phone call from a very scared family member whose loved one had just been served papers accusing him of rape.
This is not an isolated concern.
The possibility of date rape or an accusation of date rape is a real threat, for the safety of women, and for men. Let’s review:
How To Protect Yourself If You’re A Man 1
It can be confusing to be a guy out there navigating the treacherous waters of the dating scene.
Some women do send out mixed signals. No doubt about it.
Some guys are a bit blinded by their desires.
Still, to protect yourself, as well as the women you’re dating, I want you to consider the following points before your relationships progress to the sexual stage:
– If your date is sending a mixed message, assume “maybe” means no. You don’t want to make love to someone who is unsure about making love to you. Talk about it. Clarify how she feels. Proceed only when both of you are ready.
– Assuming you both want the same amount of intimacy at exactly the same moment is a mistake. Your date may be interested in sexual contact other than intercourse. I know it’s hard to do, but it’s important to continuously check on each other’s desires rather than just making convenient or self-serving assumptions that may be very dangerous.
– A woman who says “no” to sex is not necessarily saying “no” to you as a person. She may just want to pursue being physical more slowly.
– Just because she’s in your room doesn’t mean she wants to be in your bed.
– Your size and physical presence can be intimidating to a woman. If she doesn’t struggle, it may be because she feels too afraid.
– Intoxication (either yours or hers) is not a legal or moral defense for rape.
– No matter what has transpired, “No” means “Stop now — go no further.” That’s not only the moral definition, but the legal definition as well.I don’t care what’s happened up to this point.
Thank you Joy, for your insights.
I’d like to add a final point. It’s an obvious, time-tested, true, but not very popular perspective: If you choose not to have sex before you’re married, you are FAR less likely to find yourself in a situation where you might be accused of rape.
You can find How To Protect Yourself If You’re A Woman here.
1 – This post is a quote from Dr. Joy Browne’s book, Dating For Dummies®, 2nd Edition, Chapter 27: Dangerous Dates: The Dark Side.