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Sep 22

Gossip Destroys Friendships

Posted on Thursday, September 22, 2011 in Uncategorized

People find many reasons to justify passing on “news”, gossiping and creating drama.  Few practices wound, terrorize and corrupt churches more than gossips.

Gossip-Filled Living Is An Old Problem

The Apostle Paul a couple thousand years ago battled gossips in church.  “For I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior.” 1

Church attendance alone has never solved corrupt living.

Unchecked, “Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.” 2

“Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.” 

Gossip unchecked corrupts.

In the 1700s John Wesley said, ” Of all the gossiping…religious gossiping is the worst… (it’s) hypocrisy … and effectually does the work of the devil in the name of the Lord.” 3

Gossip-Free Living Requires Determination

In 1752, Wesley asked, “Do we sufficiently watch over each other”, and concluded, “We do not”.  Wesley and a group of men agreed to sign an agreement to live gossip-free. 4

If Wesley lived today the six principles of his agreement would look a lot like this:

I will not look for dirt on people.

I will not pass on gossip.

I will not leave gossip in the dark; I’ll bring it into the light.  You’ll hear what I hear about you.

I will not pass on the “news” I hear without checking it out with the subject of the “news” first.

I will not pass on the “news” I hear about anyone else without checking it out with her or him first.

I will not justify breaking these rules unless it seems essential to preserve safety and protect lives.

Gossip-Free Living Takes Work

Confidentiality has been modeled for me by two of my mentors Ken Hyatt and Wayne Thyren.  In fact, Ken was fired from a client company when he refused to divulge confidential information to an irate employee.

Every week in our support groups we assure our participants that they are in a safe, confidential community.

Personally, I assume all conversations are confidential unless the person I am speaking to says it is not confidential.  That practice assures everyone that I am trustworthy, and his or her trust is like a treasure to me.

I listed six principles of a gossip-free life.  If you would like deeper, more trusting and more meaningful relationships I recommend that you consider adopting the six principles in your own life.

This is mysilentscream, “Gossip-free living is the right way to live!”


1 – 2 Corinthians 12:20, NLT

2 – Romans 1:29-32, NLT

3 –

4 –

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