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Aug 22

Expressing Your Anger 1 of 2

Posted on Wednesday, August 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

We can express our anger in healthy and mature ways, or not.  Most of us have a hybrid healthy-dysfunctional anger management style. Here is an assessment that might help us to examine ways that we handle anger.

Two (of the Five) Ways to Handle Anger 1

No two people are exactly alike in managing their anger [defined earlier as “self preservation of worth, needs and convictions”. Temperaments and circumstances differ widely. But we can identify five general choices that can be made when anger arises: (1) suppression, (2) open aggression, (3) passive aggression, (4) assertiveness, or (5) dropping it. The first three choices tend to perpetuate anger. The last two can lead to success. Let’s examine each separately.

1. Suppressing Anger – Because all anger is bad, this thinking goes, I can never afford to express it.

Check the items that apply to you to determine how likely you are to suppress your anger.
__ I am very image conscious. I don’t like to let others know my problems.

__ Even when I feel very flustered I portray myself publicly as having it all together.

__ I am rather reserved about sharing my problems or frustrations.

__ If a family member or friend upsets me I can let days pass without even mentioning it.

__ I have a tendency to be depressed and moody.

__ Resentful thinking is common for me, although many people would never suspect it.

__ I have suffered with physical complaints (for example, headaches, stomach ailments, sleep irregularity).

__ There are times when I wonder if my opinions or preferences are really valid.

__ Sometimes I feel paralyzed when confronted by an unwanted situation.

__ I’m not inclined to initiate conversations about sensitive or troublesome topics.

If you checked five or more of these statements you probably have a well-established pattern of repressing your anger. This represents a type of emotional dishonesty in your relationships.

2. Open Aggression – When most people think of anger, they imagine open aggression, a self-preserving stand for personal worth, needs, and convictions at someone else’s expense…Open aggression anger arises from a focus that so strongly emphasizes personal needs there is a powerful insensitivity to the needs of others.

Check the items that apply to you to assess your inclination toward this pattern.

__ I can be blunt and forceful when someone does something to frustrate me.

__ As I speak my convictions my voice becomes increasingly louder.

__ When someone confronts me about a problem, I am likely to offer a ready
rebuttal.

__ No one has to guess my opinion; I’m known for having unwavering viewpoints.

__ When something goes wrong, I focus so sharply on fixing the problem that I overlook other’s feelings.

__ I have a history of getting caught in bickering matches with family members.

__ During verbal disagreements with someone, I tend to repeat myself several
times.

__ I find it hard to keep my thoughts to myself when it is obvious that someone else is wrong.

__ I have a reputation for being strong willed.

__ I tend to give advice, even when others have not asked for it.

If you checked five or more of these statements, you probably have a pattern of open aggressive anger.

1 – From The Anger Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth, published by Thomas Nelson Publishers.

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