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Jun 15

Embrace Your Loneliness

Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

This picture creates many mixed feelings for me; the most evident feeling is loneliness.

The picture reminds me of who I might have become if I never learned to be a friend.

My best friends growing up were our dogs.  My dog was a friendly, patient, German Shepherd named Shawn.

Shawn was the best friend I had, but I needed people-friends too.


Sitting in my basement bedroom was my high school haven.  Posters on the wall, a dog on my bed, clothes on the floor and music in my head.  It was my room.  All mine.

While I did enjoy my personal space, it wasn’t until I embraced my loneliness that I became a friend.

Embracing My Loneliness

I hid from my feelings.
The heavier the feelings were the more I disengaged.

Loneliness became sadness.
Sadness led to hurt.
Hurt without healing led to anger.
Unresolved anger grew into resentment.
Resentment unchecked and internalized became depression.

I didn’t embrace my loneliness I anaesthetized it: music, games, books, and hours and hours of TV.

I had to get out of the basement!

Coming Out Of The Basement

Maybe you intuitively know how to be a friend — Great! — I didn’t.

While I hated feeling down and lonely, I never thought I had a choice about it.
Peers didn’t like me.  I annoyed adults.

What changed?  Depending on how well you know me you might think nothing changed, but it did.

I decided that I would become the kind of person who would be a good friend.

I knew I couldn’t do it myself.

I needed help to know how to become a good friend.

I needed God’s help.
I needed to ask God’s forgiveness for my self-centeredness.
I needed to ask God’s help to care about others.

I pray for God’s help — Please God help me…” and opened my Bible.  In it I read for principles for being a good friend:

  • Romans 14:13
    “Let us stop passing judgment on one another…”
  • Romans 15:7
    “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you…”
  • Ephesians 4:2
    “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
  • Ephesians 4:32
    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

What’s it take to be a good friend?  Those four things and more.

How can you become a better friend?

Embrace your loneliness.

Ask God for help.

Choose to live like a good friend would and people will pursue your friendship.


Bring on the comments

  1. Thanks Scott!

  2. I loved the statement, “I had to get out of the basement!” While I tend to over-indulge my feelings when I am alone verses disengage from them, I totally identify with your charge to get out of the basement.

  3. No, Angi, thank you!

  4. Thanks Sheri.
    “I had to get out of the basement!”
    Literally and figuratively I needed to make a change, and I’m so grateful that I did!

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