We can count on her. She has poise.
He produces in the clutch. He’s reliable.

Be careful not to count on previous reliability.

Previous Success Doesn’t Guarantee Future Success

This past Sunday the former Super Bowl MVP Deion Branch dropped two passes, and former Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady threw an interception, missed an open receiver and looked panicked.  They play for the New England Patriots, and lost.

I have found that choosing wisely in clutch situations is a constant battle against:
- will
- circumstances
- health
- emotions

Many people battle with their emotions, and lose.  

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage our emotions.   According to Daniel Goleman there are five abilities that comprise our emotional intelligence. These abilities include:

• Knowing our emotions
• Managing our emotions
• Recognizing emotions in others
• Managing relationships with others
• Motivating ourselves to achieve our goals 1

Our emotional intelligence likely contributes more to successful and enjoyable living, than our general intelligence.

Good News: Since emotional intelligence is learned rather than inherited, it can be improved.

Clutch Players In The Lunchroom

I’ve worked with thousands of teens over the past twenty years.  Each with unique skill-sets, life experiences and drives.

As a student of people I love learning about cultures.  While the adolescent culture is constantly changing there are some constants.  One constant is some people are consistent students, some people are inconsistent students and some people are clutch players in the lunchroom.

Clutch players in the lunchroom:

• Remember a quiz is next hour and remind their classmates
• Focus on the task at hand and help others to do so
• Help others focus so they can succeed as well
• Recognize when conversations are playful and when they’ll escalate
• Step in and defend against bullies
• Mediate, calm others, and extinguish impulsive vengeful responses

Have you seen thse skills in others?
Have you seen those skills in yourself?

That’s applying emotional intelligence.

Personally, since I can be emotional, self-protective and impulsive I have found that a quick, sincere, three-second “Please God help me.  I need wisdom to choose wisely.” prayer has calmed me, focused me and helped me many times.

“If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking.” 2

Want to be a clutch player in your lunchroom?  Ask God for help and embrace the value of developing your emotional intelligence.

1 – Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman is http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=james%201:5&version=NIV;NCV;NLT;CEV;MSG“>James 1:5, CEV

Here’s a short summary:
Eli Manning was poised.  
Tom Brady looked panicked.
Aaron Hernandez dropped two passes.  
Mario Manningham caught the one that mattered most.

As you can imagine Manning and Manningham play for the Super Bowl winning New York Giants.

Winners Win

NFL players are generally assumed to be the best players in their sport in the world.  While some would argue that the Giants and the New England Patriots were not great teams, they were successful and won when it mattered most.

The Patriots had one final chance to win the game as quarterback Tom Brady threw a long pass which was tipped away by a defender falling out the reach of a prospective hero trying to catch the ball.

Consistent plays and “Clutch plays” were the keys to success.

Clutch Plays

I’ll define a clutch play as productivity — when what needs to happen happens — when it’s most needed.

Clutch plays don’t just happen in football games.

Clutch plays happen in the lunchroom.
Clutch plays happen in the living room.
Clutch plays happen in the boardroom.
Clutch plays happen in the bedroom.

We can count on her.  She has poise.
He produces in the clutch.  He’s reliable.

This week mysilentscream will look at ways that we can be Clutch 4 Life.

If you’re a typical husband:
– you’re not eager to be vulnerable
– you don’t want to be corrected or enjoy opportunities to challenge your behavior
– you don’t want to schedule weekly interrogation sessions
Those concerns are addressed in the book. 

This book is meant to build you up, not to break you down.

The devotions are easy to follow and quite short — 800-900 words each — three or four minutes of reading.

Some readers will appreciate the brevity of each weekly devotional. Others will want more to reflect on. For those readers, Eggerichs provides 3-5 additional questions that “can be used for individual study, discussion groups, or sparking conversations between husband and wife” in the appendix.

I found Eggerichs’ book beneficial and worth my time, and I believe it will be worth your time too; even though the information varies in quality from insightful to clichéd to uninspired as the following four samples illustrate.

Chapter 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After . . . Not Necessarily
INSIGHT: In marriage, it is never about not falling. It is always about getting back up.

Chapter 20: Sex and Affection: A Two-Way Street
“Sex and affection are the best proving grounds to help you and your spouse grow in love and respect for each other physically, emotionally, and intimately. Look at the sexual aspect of your relationship as a compliment to how important you are in your spouse’s life. You are the only person who can meet this need in your spouse!”

Chapter 40: If Only We Didn’t Have Money Problems
INSIGHT: The Lord will provide for all our needs; we may have to wait for our wants.

Chapter 48: Do You Know How to Fight Fair?
ACTION: The next time you disagree, argue, or fight, stop and think: Am I being fair? Friendly? Civil? Gentle? Godly? Talk together about how to develop code words or phrases to use when fighting fair.

While there are a couple of common issues that Eggerichs does not address, he does touch on many subjects his readers will appreciate (see below).

Chapter 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After . . . Not Necessarily
Chapter 2: Pink and Blue: Not Wrong, Just Different!
Chapter 3: Do You Have a Goodwilled Marriage?
Chapter 4: God Joined You Together, and He Will Keep You Together
Chapter 5: The 80:20 Ratio: The Secret to Appreciating Your Marriage
Chapter 6: Mistakes Happen—and Then What?
Chapter 7: Question: What Is Love? Answer: C-O-U-P-L-E
Chapter 8: Question: What Is Respect? Answer: C-H-A-I-R-S
Chapter 9: Newton’s Law: The Crazy Cycle in Action
Chapter 10: He Loves Us Because He Loves Us Because He Loves Us!
Chapter 11: Her Pink plus His Blue Equals God’s Purple
Chapter 12: It’s All About Perspective
Chapter 13: Those Who Pray Together Learn to Love & Respect Together
Chapter 14: Who Is on Your Mental Committee?
Chapter 15: To Tell the Truth . . . Is Not Always Easy
Chapter 16: Feelings Aren’t Facts—Always Sort It Out
Chapter 17: What Is Really Going on Here?
Chapter 18: John Wooden: A Love & Respect Legacy for the Ages
Chapter 19: Forget the Negative Snapshots—Enjoy the Positive Movie
Chapter 20: Sex and Affection: A Two-Way Street
Chapter 21: Keep Your Eyes on the Lord, Not the Problem
Chapter 22: Our “Good” May Be Willing, but Our Flesh Can Be Weak
Chapter 23: Excuse Me, Is that Your Foot on My Air Hose?
Chapter 24: It’s Hard to Be Negative While Being Thankful
Chapter 25: Don’t Believe Everything Your Spouse Says (Especially in Anger)
Chapter 26: Forgiveness, Part I: Love & Respect Takes Two Good Forgivers
Chapter 27: Forgiveness, Part II: Got Forgiveness? Let Jesus Be Your Model
Chapter 28: No Matter How You Feel, Trust Scripture More Than Your Feelings
Chapter 29: Remember, God Designed Your Spouse— Be Patient!
Chapter 30: Impact Others with Love & Respect
Chapter 31: Mutual Submission, Sex, and Tuesday Night
Chapter 32: Anger Can Be Dangerous . . . Handle with Care
Chapter 33: All Things Do Work Together for Good . . . Sooner or Later
Chapter 34: Do You Seek to Understand or Only Want to Be Understood?
Chapter 35: It Is All About Me, After All
Chapter 36: Who Makes the First Move in Your Marriage?
Chapter 37: To Overcome the Past, Focus on the Prize
Chapter 38: Is My Response Always My Responsibility?
Chapter 39: Look! Just Over Your Spouse’s Shoulder! It’s Jesus!
Chapter 40: If Only We Didn’t Have Money Problems
Chapter 41: Your Spouse Has Needs Only You Can Fill
Chapter 42: But Is Your Spouse Supposed to Meet All Your Needs?
Chapter 43: Your Children Are Watching
Chapter 44: I Am Not Being Defensive!
Chapter 45: How Positive Are You with Each Other?
Chapter 46: Do You Ever Play the Blame Game?
Chapter 47: Groupthink Can Be Toxic to Your Marriage
Chapter 48: Do You Know How to Fight Fair?
Chapter 49: Your Words Reveal Your Heart
Chapter 50: Why We All Need Respect
Chapter 51: Plug into the Power of Optimism
Chapter 52: When It’s All Been Said and Done

Disclosure: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Fortunately, not one of my mistakes has ended in the headlines.

Headlines

Dallas Morning News reported today that Major League baseball player, “Rangers’ Josh Hamilton has relapse with alcohol at area bar.”  USA Today, Washington Post, Fox Sports, it’s on the news, it’s filling the headlines.

“Someone went to a bar” is hardly news. “Someone had a few drinks” isn’t either.  Unless that someone is, as Jeff Passan described him, the “most famous addict in sports.”  Then, everyone who knows about you knows that that’s a problem.  Josh Hamilton’s story of self-destruction, sobriety, redemption and success have been well-documented including his autobiographical Beyond Belief: Finding the Strength to Come Back.

Horror Stories

Yahoo Sports Jeff Passan wrote, “The worst part about Josh Hamilton’s relapse is that he didn’t care. The most famous addict in sports does not go to a bar in the town where he is best known without full knowledge that his exploits will become public…Only Hamilton understands why he would choose such a setting to drink, whether it was the empowerment of doing what he wants, where he wants, when he wants, or if it was his way of asking for help as he floats about without an accountability partner.”

I’m not trying to dump on Josh Hamilton or to make his bad week even worse.  His tale is a cautionary tale for all of us!

Helpful Warning

This is the fifth of a series on Pro Bowl — all-star quality — friendships.  The fifth, and most relevant to me personally is, to “Check To See If You Have Excessive Need For Approval.”

I’ve been an accountability partner, and I’ve had my own need for accountability partners, formal and informal.  People who hold me accountable to values I’ve chosen or want to uphold.

Honest Accountability

This weekend I will see my two dearest friends. They are the two men who have held me most accountable.  I love them, but there are other times that I have been reluctant to see them because I’m struggling.  Other times, because of my fear of rejection — and my need for approval — I have either avoided them, intentionally changed the subject or outright lied.

I know I lied.  I may not have said “black” was “white” kind of lie, but I know I wasn’t answering their question honestly.

Gerry Fraley reported, “Hamilton drank alcohol Monday night ( and) teammate Ian Kinsler also showed up at the bar for what appeared to be an attempt to persuade Hamilton to return to his home…”

Good friends may have protected me, but it has been and (as long as I’m healthy) always will be my responsibility to choose wisely and find accountability partners.  It’s not enough to have them, it’s also important to follow their wise advice.

MLB.com’s T.R. Sullivan interviewed Hamilton after his last relapse.  ”I feel like I’ve been humbled…I got away from the one thing that kept me on the straight and narrow and that was my relationship with the Lord. That should always come first. Hopefully some good will come out of this…”

“Obviously it was one those things that reinforce that I can’t have alcohol…Maybe this will show people that if they are recovering and make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world. You can get back on the right track. Hopefully I can use God’s glory to show that I do have struggles. This just lets me know that I need Christ more than ever.”

Want Pro Bowl — all-star quality — friendships?  Yes, we do; then they will include “I’m not gonna hide in my fears” accountability.

This is my challenge for you and this is mysilentscream into my own ear.

Note – If you’re interested in reading more from Alan Loy McGinnis’ book “The Friendship Factor” you can find it here.

“Sex trafficking victims reveal horror of witchcraft and torture being used to enslave women in Scotland“

Assuming it’s true — and I have no reason not to think it isn’t — it’s so heart-breaking and horrific.

FML

One “victim had been trafficked from Africa and was only prostituted in Scotland. She was trafficked by a trusted community member she turned to after witnessing the murder of her parents and grandparents by the police.”

In case you skimmed over that too fast:
– She was kidnapped by “a trusted community member”
– After WATCHING her parents and grandparents murdered
– Her parents and grandparents were murdered by the police
– Then she was dragged away from loved ones to another continent
– She was forced to be a sex-slave

WT…

Why is God is willing to let such terrible things happen?
Why is God so patient with horrible people?
Why has God given people so much free will that they can think of doing those things?
How can God put up with it?

Someone might suggest God doesn’t care, is emotionally detached, or too busy. Nothing could be further from the truth. God looks forward to the day when “they will recognize how hurt I am by their unfaithful hearts and lustful eyes.” 1

As bad as it looks now, it’s not hopeless.

PTL

Every generation has selfish, stubborn, cruel people. For the slaves, the slave traders, for Christians, Muslims, Witches, Atheists, Agnostics, for me and for you there is hope.

“(In their heartache and humility) they will hate themselves for all their detestable sins……Put all your rebellion behind you, and find yourselves a new heart and a new spirit.” 2

Fortunately, it’s not all up to us.  We don’t have to search for a surgeon on Health Grades or MDNationwide, or RateMDs, God prompts us to look for some spiritual doctoring and provides the heart surgery:

“I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart.” 3

Slave traders need heart surgery, and so do you and I.

1 – Ezekiel 6:9
2 – Ezekiel 6:9; 18:31
3 – Ezekiel 3:10

She chases after “Mr. Perfect.”
He’s looking to “hit it.”

She’s settling.
He’s settling.

You must love yourself before you can love another.

Accept yourself for who you are, but don’t “settle.”
- Don’t let addictions stand in your way.
- Don’t let lies blind you.
- Don’t let self-pity poison your heart.

“You’re better than that!!!”  That’s mysilentscream.

Charlie Bales has an unusually large nose and is an easy target for Insults and putdowns. 1

Confronted by an adversary who calls him “Big Nose” Bales diminishes the power of the insult by creating twenty insults of his own, including:

Personal: Well, here we are, just the three of us.
Punctual: All right…your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late.
Humorous: Laugh & the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it’s goodbye, Seattle!
Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides?
Aromatic: It must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee…in Brazil. 2

No Putdowns

At TreeHouse, my workplace, we have several “House Rules” including “No Putdowns.”

While there may be funny banter, most putdowns are toxic.

Putdowns poison relationships.

Putdowns insult the attacked.
Putdowns disrespect the listeners.
Putdowns exposes the shame of the one insulting the other.

Even though it seems like the natural thing to do, “Let’s stop condemning each other.”Others may criticize you, but “be careful not to fall into the same temptation…(instead) encourage each other and build each other up.” 3

If someone verbally attacks, criticizes or blames you, don’t stoop to their level.

As ridiculous and counter-cultural as it might seem, “Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.”

“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good…Never pay back evil with more evil.” In fact, when you’re putdown, insulted or rumors are spread about you, pray about it. Present your “case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.“4

Be Different – Make A Change

The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something.

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Realize that it’s never too late to learn to do the right thing.

More tomorrow.

1 – Steve Martin stars as C.D. Bales, in the 1987 movie Roxanne; a retelling of the play Cyrano de Bergerac.
2 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWNLhptltBg&feature=related
3- Romans 14:13; Galatians 6:1; 1Thesssalonians 5:11. NLT
4- Romans 12:21; Romans 12:17; 1 Peter 2:23; 1 Peter 3:9. NLT

 On January 19th, 2012 -  I was with my wife Christiane in our apartment in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. We had been out on a date and we had just gotten home. Actually, I guess we had been home for an hour or so and it was pretty late at night, about 1:30am. I started having an overwhelming feeling that I needed to lie down. It was out of the blue and I couldn’t fight it, so I lay down in bed and closed my eyes. I wasn’t feeling well and it came on so quickly, I just had to close my eyes.

Within a few minutes I became very nauseated and I told Christiane that I needed a bucket. I had been moaning in pain, out of my senses for several minutes and I knew something was wrong. Christiane brought me a bucket and I began getting sick.

I told Christiane a few times that I didn’t know where I was (this is what she told me). I kept asking where I was and a few times didn’t know who she was.

Christiane called friends to pray.  She was on the phone with our friend Robin when I rolled on my side and went unconscious.

As soon as I was out, I was with Jesus. He was sitting next to me and He was talking to me. Jesus kept telling me to lay still and not to move.

From behind me I started hearing voices telling me to get up in Jesus’ name! This went on for a while and I was getting confused. It was at this point that Jesus said, “Jesus is the Son of God come in the flesh and He is your Lord and Savior”. OK, so this is 1 John 4:2 and I knew that this wasn’t a trick.

I still didn’t understand why they were saying one thing in His name and He was telling me another, but all I wanted to do was lay still in His presence and rest. I asked Jesus to tell them to stop yelling at me so that I could rest. Jesus said, “they are doing what they are supposed to do, you just lay still”.

After some time I decided that even though Jesus told me to lay still, I needed to let Christiane know that I could hear her. I decided to move my hand and I tried to lift it. My hand wouldn’t move! I tried with everything that I had to move my hand and then in some kind of panic, I tried to move anything that I could, but nothing would move. I got pretty scared and I looked at Jesus. Jesus said, “You have had a stroke, just stay calm, you are going to be fine”.

I didn’t realize until later that the reason Jesus had kept telling me not to move was because He knew that I couldn’t and He was trying to keep me calm. When He told me about the stroke, then I could understand why the “voices”, Christiane and Robin were telling me to get up.

I was obviously unconscious where they were,
but I was wide awake with Jesus where I was.

This is when Jesus took me by the hand and started walking me through tall grass and up a hill. We didn’t talk to each other that I can remember now, we just walked, but the whole time I could hear Christiane and Robin behind me. The further Jesus and I walked up this hill, the farther away the voices became. I wasn’t scared anymore, we were just walking in the grass, holding hands.

Jesus was on my right side, holding my right hand and the top of the hill had light behind it. I knew that we were going to see something when we got to the top.

When we finally got to the top, Jesus stopped walking and because He was holding my hand I stopped walking too. I could no longer hear any voices, it was just quiet and I felt a light breeze blowing through the grass. The moon was out, it was kind of up to our right, it was mostly full but not completely.

I was looking down at a city. It was spread out below the hillside and it went off to the horizon. It was a “flat” city, by that I mean there were no sky scrapers or tall buildings, everything was about the same height. The city was lit up in the night, but I got the sense that it was “sleep” time, that everyone was asleep down there. It felt extremely peaceful and warm and cool at the same time. I wanted more than anything to walk down there, but I knew that if I did I would never come back here.

The lights looked like flowers. I don’t mean that they were shaped like flowers, I mean they were soft like flowers. They had kind of a yellowish cast to them and they felt good, like they had medicine in them. I looked over the city as I stood with Jesus and it reminded me of a field of flowers that I wanted to roll around in and be better. I wanted to go there. I needed to go there. It was the most beautiful city that I have ever seen and there was total peace there. I love it there.

Jesus squeezed my hand and turned me back down the hill that we had walked up and we started walking back. As we walked I started hearing voices again and I started to cry.

Jesus walked me back to my body and whispered to me and then let my hand go. I opened my eyes and I was laying on the floor with my nose squished into the carpet. I had vomit all over my face and the floor and my body was twisted up. I heard Christiane yell, “His eyes are open!”.

I was awake but I was not able to move for sometime and Christiane and Robin kept praying over me. She finally got me to my feet and started walking me back and forth. I couldn’t hold my arms up, I was just hunched and I kept crying. I tried to sit down on the couch and collapsed to the floor. Christiane got me up and walked me in to bed.

They kept praying over me and trying to get me to speak. After a while I was able to speak a little bit, very softly and broken. Without knowing that it hurt behind my eyes, Robin rebuked the pain behind my eyes and told Christiane to get some ice for my head. Christiane asked me if ice would feel good on my head and I nodded my head because I couldn’t speak. I was still crying.

Things I found out later:

I was unconscious and unresponsive for over an hour.

At some point while I was unconscious I started choking and Christiane tried to sit me up so that I wouldn’t choke on vomit. When she pulled up my dead weight, she couldn’t hold it and my body fell out of the bed onto the floor, face first. That is why I “woke up” on the floor.

Now, my conclusions:

First of all, I know that if I had taken a couple more steps that I wasn’t coming back. Jesus has shown me things in heaven that He has waiting for me as rewards for doing what He has called me to do. I think that if I would have left now, I would have gone into New Jerusalem and lost those rewards He showed me a few months ago.

I have been torn about not going, but I know that I am not done yet and that Jesus wants me here for now. I also am completely in love with my wife and am very blessed at the composure she had through this whole thing. Robin told me that Christiane was AMAZING!

New Jerusalem was beautiful and full of peace.

When people are unconscious they can hear you, just keep praying and speaking to their bodies in the name of Jesus. Don’t give up!   

James Cooper a bond servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Bible explains that the New Jerusalem is an eternal destination for those who follow Jesus Christ, “I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone…(God said), Look! I’m making everything new.” 2

The same Jesus Christ who walked with Jimmy will walk with you.  Jesus Christ wants a personal relationship with you.  Jesus said, “Listen! I am standing and knocking at your door. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and we will eat together.“  3

I would invite you to pray, “Jesus, please walk with me.  I want to walk with you.  I want your peace.  Please help me.”  Jesus will.  Email me if you want personalized suggestions. 4

1 – Note – I edited a bit,  Jimmy’s unedited story is available here

2 – Revelation 21:3-4, MSG

3 – Revelation 3:20, CEV

4 – mysilentscreamforscott @ gmail.com [remove the spaces]

I’m reading, and on overload:
– Human Genome Project
– Emotional Intelligence
– GenEthics
– Autonomy and Human Rights in Health Care
– Pathological and Non-Pathological Traits
– Cloning and Stem Cell-Based Soft Tissue Regeneration

According to Lee Strobel, “when scientists announced that they had finally mapped the three billion codes of the human genome — a project that filled the equivalent of 75,490 pages of The New York Times — divine references abounded. President Clinton said scientists were ‘learning the language in which God created life,’ while geneticist Francis S. Collins, head of the Human Genome Project, said DNA was ‘our own instruction book, previously known only to God.’ ” 1

I’m reading about the uniqueness of people, and my mind keeps coming back to song — about God — by the David Crowder Band called “No One Like You.”

“No One Like You” 2

You are more beautiful
Than anyone ever
Everyday You’re the same
You never change, no never

And how could I ever deny
The love of my Savior
You are to me everything
All I need forever

How could You be so good to me?

There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You

Everywhere You are there
Earth or air surrounding
I’m not alone, the heavens sing along
My God You’re so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that’

You, You, You, You, You, You

How could You be so good to me?
How could You be so good to me?
We’re not alone, so sing along
We’re not alone, so sing along, sing along, sing along

There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There his no one like our God, yeah

1 – Lee Strobel’s The Case For A Creator

2 – http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/davidcrowderband/noonelikeyou.html

That said, Murrow’s title was compelling.  Here’s what I learned.

Here are his chapter titles and my brief summaries:

PART 1: WHERE ARE THE MEN?

1. Perfectly Designed – The church needs a re-design to open doors to men.
2. Yes, There Really Is a Gender Gap – And, it’s increasing worldwide
3. Men: Who Needs ’Em? – We do they bring balance, energy and drive
4. Who Are the Missing Men? – They’re getting “results” somewhere.
5. The Masculinity Bank – A typical man won’t do something he believes is feminine.
6. The Two Jesuses – We’re taught God’s meekness we no longer fear his wrath.

PART 2: CHURCH CULTURE VS. MAN CULTURE

7. Victoria’s Secret…When We Lost the Men – When the church culture feminized.
8. The Christian-Industrial Complex – Has softened Jesus’ image.
9. Men and Contemporary Worship -  Men need songs they can sing in the right key.
10. Twelve Things Men Fear About Church – (This list is poignant & funny.)
11. The Stars vs. the Scrubs – Men need to feel they offer a valuable contribution.
12. Check Your Testosterone at the Door – Feminine vocabulary is used more.
13. How Churches Feminize over Time – We need to reassert a kingdom model.
14. How Churches Drive Boys Away from the Faith – “Sit still.  Be quiet”

PART 3: CALLING THE CHURCH BACK TO MEN

15. The Battle to Reengage Men – Give men attention and contribution, and they respond.
16. Why Megachurches Are Mega – Men have prominent, conspicuous roles.
17. Pastors and Men – Male pastors need to connect with other men.
18. Teaching and Men – Like Jesus keep it concise, visual, and interactive.
19. Getting the Big Story Right – The gospel is equal parts demanding mission and personal relationship.
20. What About Women? – Women pastors and leaders, become students of men.
21. Young Men and Faith – WANTED: spiritually healthy male role models
22. Men, Prayer, and a Few Other Things – Men change when they minister to others—and when they allow others to minister to them.
23. How Men Minister to Others – Offer principles to help men feel needed again.
24. How to Minister to Men – Build a band of brothers who build up one another.
25. A Church for Everyone – Develop Christian communities for men.

I highly recommend this book for Christian communities who want to see some of their blind-spots and for those who want to have a positive impact in their transforming their micro-culture.

In the forward the author wrote, “I’ve trimmed this revision down to fighting weight. Why Men was my first book, and I didn’t know if there was going to be another one. So I packed it with too much verbiage and a few rabbit trails. I’ve completely reorganized this new edition, adding the latest findings and examples from churches that are turning the tide. And I’ve created the most requested feature—a chapter-by-chapter group discussion guide.”  

That’s the kind of honest-to-guys (and gals) talk this book includes.

The guide is available free from the author’s website, in three versions (6wk, 12wk, 24wk versions).  I highly recommend the discussion guides found on: www.churchformen.com/guides.

Disclosure: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”