If you’re a typical husband:
– you’re not eager to be vulnerable
– you don’t want to be corrected or enjoy opportunities to challenge your behavior
– you don’t want to schedule weekly interrogation sessions
Those concerns are addressed in the book. 

This book is meant to build you up, not to break you down.

The devotions are easy to follow and quite short — 800-900 words each — three or four minutes of reading.

Some readers will appreciate the brevity of each weekly devotional. Others will want more to reflect on. For those readers, Eggerichs provides 3-5 additional questions that “can be used for individual study, discussion groups, or sparking conversations between husband and wife” in the appendix.

I found Eggerichs’ book beneficial and worth my time, and I believe it will be worth your time too; even though the information varies in quality from insightful to clichéd to uninspired as the following four samples illustrate.

Chapter 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After . . . Not Necessarily
INSIGHT: In marriage, it is never about not falling. It is always about getting back up.

Chapter 20: Sex and Affection: A Two-Way Street
“Sex and affection are the best proving grounds to help you and your spouse grow in love and respect for each other physically, emotionally, and intimately. Look at the sexual aspect of your relationship as a compliment to how important you are in your spouse’s life. You are the only person who can meet this need in your spouse!”

Chapter 40: If Only We Didn’t Have Money Problems
INSIGHT: The Lord will provide for all our needs; we may have to wait for our wants.

Chapter 48: Do You Know How to Fight Fair?
ACTION: The next time you disagree, argue, or fight, stop and think: Am I being fair? Friendly? Civil? Gentle? Godly? Talk together about how to develop code words or phrases to use when fighting fair.

While there are a couple of common issues that Eggerichs does not address, he does touch on many subjects his readers will appreciate (see below).

Chapter 1: And They Lived Happily Ever After . . . Not Necessarily
Chapter 2: Pink and Blue: Not Wrong, Just Different!
Chapter 3: Do You Have a Goodwilled Marriage?
Chapter 4: God Joined You Together, and He Will Keep You Together
Chapter 5: The 80:20 Ratio: The Secret to Appreciating Your Marriage
Chapter 6: Mistakes Happen—and Then What?
Chapter 7: Question: What Is Love? Answer: C-O-U-P-L-E
Chapter 8: Question: What Is Respect? Answer: C-H-A-I-R-S
Chapter 9: Newton’s Law: The Crazy Cycle in Action
Chapter 10: He Loves Us Because He Loves Us Because He Loves Us!
Chapter 11: Her Pink plus His Blue Equals God’s Purple
Chapter 12: It’s All About Perspective
Chapter 13: Those Who Pray Together Learn to Love & Respect Together
Chapter 14: Who Is on Your Mental Committee?
Chapter 15: To Tell the Truth . . . Is Not Always Easy
Chapter 16: Feelings Aren’t Facts—Always Sort It Out
Chapter 17: What Is Really Going on Here?
Chapter 18: John Wooden: A Love & Respect Legacy for the Ages
Chapter 19: Forget the Negative Snapshots—Enjoy the Positive Movie
Chapter 20: Sex and Affection: A Two-Way Street
Chapter 21: Keep Your Eyes on the Lord, Not the Problem
Chapter 22: Our “Good” May Be Willing, but Our Flesh Can Be Weak
Chapter 23: Excuse Me, Is that Your Foot on My Air Hose?
Chapter 24: It’s Hard to Be Negative While Being Thankful
Chapter 25: Don’t Believe Everything Your Spouse Says (Especially in Anger)
Chapter 26: Forgiveness, Part I: Love & Respect Takes Two Good Forgivers
Chapter 27: Forgiveness, Part II: Got Forgiveness? Let Jesus Be Your Model
Chapter 28: No Matter How You Feel, Trust Scripture More Than Your Feelings
Chapter 29: Remember, God Designed Your Spouse— Be Patient!
Chapter 30: Impact Others with Love & Respect
Chapter 31: Mutual Submission, Sex, and Tuesday Night
Chapter 32: Anger Can Be Dangerous . . . Handle with Care
Chapter 33: All Things Do Work Together for Good . . . Sooner or Later
Chapter 34: Do You Seek to Understand or Only Want to Be Understood?
Chapter 35: It Is All About Me, After All
Chapter 36: Who Makes the First Move in Your Marriage?
Chapter 37: To Overcome the Past, Focus on the Prize
Chapter 38: Is My Response Always My Responsibility?
Chapter 39: Look! Just Over Your Spouse’s Shoulder! It’s Jesus!
Chapter 40: If Only We Didn’t Have Money Problems
Chapter 41: Your Spouse Has Needs Only You Can Fill
Chapter 42: But Is Your Spouse Supposed to Meet All Your Needs?
Chapter 43: Your Children Are Watching
Chapter 44: I Am Not Being Defensive!
Chapter 45: How Positive Are You with Each Other?
Chapter 46: Do You Ever Play the Blame Game?
Chapter 47: Groupthink Can Be Toxic to Your Marriage
Chapter 48: Do You Know How to Fight Fair?
Chapter 49: Your Words Reveal Your Heart
Chapter 50: Why We All Need Respect
Chapter 51: Plug into the Power of Optimism
Chapter 52: When It’s All Been Said and Done

Disclosure: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

“Sex trafficking victims reveal horror of witchcraft and torture being used to enslave women in Scotland“

Assuming it’s true — and I have no reason not to think it isn’t — it’s so heart-breaking and horrific.

FML

One “victim had been trafficked from Africa and was only prostituted in Scotland. She was trafficked by a trusted community member she turned to after witnessing the murder of her parents and grandparents by the police.”

In case you skimmed over that too fast:
– She was kidnapped by “a trusted community member”
– After WATCHING her parents and grandparents murdered
– Her parents and grandparents were murdered by the police
– Then she was dragged away from loved ones to another continent
– She was forced to be a sex-slave

WT…

Why is God is willing to let such terrible things happen?
Why is God so patient with horrible people?
Why has God given people so much free will that they can think of doing those things?
How can God put up with it?

Someone might suggest God doesn’t care, is emotionally detached, or too busy. Nothing could be further from the truth. God looks forward to the day when “they will recognize how hurt I am by their unfaithful hearts and lustful eyes.” 1

As bad as it looks now, it’s not hopeless.

PTL

Every generation has selfish, stubborn, cruel people. For the slaves, the slave traders, for Christians, Muslims, Witches, Atheists, Agnostics, for me and for you there is hope.

“(In their heartache and humility) they will hate themselves for all their detestable sins……Put all your rebellion behind you, and find yourselves a new heart and a new spirit.” 2

Fortunately, it’s not all up to us.  We don’t have to search for a surgeon on Health Grades or MDNationwide, or RateMDs, God prompts us to look for some spiritual doctoring and provides the heart surgery:

“I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart.” 3

Slave traders need heart surgery, and so do you and I.

1 – Ezekiel 6:9
2 – Ezekiel 6:9; 18:31
3 – Ezekiel 3:10

He was born to a young unmarried woman he never knew.
He was given up for adoption.
He was without parents until he was adopted when he was six weeks old.
He was without a mom – at five years old his adopted mom died.
He was without a dad – when he dad traveled around looking for work.

He did have a grandmother who modeled and taught him important life lessons.

No one would have predicted that a teen, who grew up poor with a troubled childhood and a limited education, would build a worldwide corporation and become incredibly wealthy.

Dreamers Don’t Let Circumstances Provide Excuses

Dave Thomas settled in Fort Wayne, Indiana when moved in with his dad. When he was fifteen years old he dropped out of high school to work full-time. When his dad prepared to move again Dave stayed behind and moved into a YMCA.

While working at a restaurant Dave met Colonel Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (now KFC) and the man who became one of the greatest influences in his life.

When he was thirty years old Dave had a chance to turn around four failing KFC restaurants in Columbus, Ohio. Four years later, by using his experience, determination and hard work the failing KFC became profitable and Dave Thomas became a millionaire.

Dave Thomas explained that “(I had) a chance to live the life I want and work to make my dreams come true. We should never take our freedoms for granted, and we should seize every opportunity presented to us.”

When he was a child, Dave dreamed of opening a hamburger restaurant. It took until he was thirty-seven until his dreams became a reality.

How?

HARD WORK and determination.

“With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable,” wrote the 18th century British philanthropist Thomas Foxwell Buxton.

FYI – Dave Thomas considered dropping out of high school the greatest mistake of his life.

More tomorrow about what helped Dave Thomas — a high school dropout — become a millionaire.

1 – Dave Thomas bio available on wendys.com</strong>

2 – Dave’s Way by Dave Thomas

I don’t believe on New Years resolutions I believe in doing. Yesterday I challenged you to give yourself the gift of ambition.

This year apply that renewed ambition to give yourself the gift of learning something new.

The Gift of Learning

Everyone I know wants to learn something.
Everyone I know pushes aside some of those dreams.

I know, you’re busy.
Fight off your excuses.

I know you’re tired.
Fight off your laziness.

I know you’re distracted from your goals.
Fight off your learned time-wasters like TV, video games, Facebook, etc.

I know you’re afraid that t won’t be worth it.
Don’t be afraid you don’t have to get a grade.

Take a big step or a small step.

Small Steps:

Search 5min for a quick five-minute education.
Search youtube for for something you’d like to learn about.

Bigger Steps:

You can get a wonderful education for free!   Here are links to great Universities:

Massachusetts Institute of Technology

Stanford

U-Cal Berkeley classes are available on itunes, youtube and via webcast.

and there are several other options from other U.S. schools.

International Education

Would you like an international education?

How about Open University in Great Britain?

Or, maybe an Australian education from University of Southern Queensland?

They all have free classes available.

This new year give yourself a gift; the gift of education.

Don’t get me wrong, we had a peaceful and blessed Christmas week, it was just different than in the past.

Perilous Presents

If our family and friends depended on me knowing their interests and needs they would never get anything.  Whether I’m being frugal or I’m ignorant, I simply don’t know what people like.

Even the people I eat pizza with every month or so I don’t remember their preferences.

I enjoy the presents I get, but, honesty, I almost always enjoy giving more.

International Blessings

Jesus Christ said that when we bless the poor it’s like “you were doing it for me!” 1

I just had to learn how.

A few years ago Steve Peterson and Mark Thompson inspired me to see the value in micro-financing.  Opportunity International, one of the micro-financing organizations we support “provides small business loans, savings, insurance and training to … people working their way out of poverty in the developing world.”

When I give micro-financing gifts I spread the joy of Christmas around the world.

My favorite presents that I gave weren’t big — $20-$45 — but they helped bring hope:

- In Amy’s name — through Christian Aid — Ronnie Tun in Burma helps people trapped in sex slavery find hope. Ronnie, like my son Josh, worked as a mechanic and has a great heart. I knew Amy would love to support his work in Burma.

- In Josh’s name — through Opportunity International — Rafael Vega Lopez, a Columbian man, could buy additional supplies for his fast food restaurant.  Josh likes fast food!

- Tayler is Josh’s's gf. In Tayler’s name — through Kiva — Jane from Kenya could buy some more fish for her fish farm.  Tayler cares about the needs of women even across the planet.

- In Shannon’s name — through Kiva — I donated enough money for Cristhian Maricela Garcia of Nicaragua to buy clothing, silver, and cosmetic merchandise for her store.  Shannon loves watching people’s prayers get answered and their dreams come true.

Sacrificing Selfishness

Generosity came easier when  I realized how blessed I’ve been.  I also had to learn to see the needs of others.  Then I had to believe — as Seth Gobin wrote in his book Tribes — that “anyone who wants to make a difference can!” 

Fun Stuff

The present I received that I think about the most is the handheld scanner I still can’t figure out.

Amy kinda bought herself a present for Christmas.  She bought The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess game for the Wii.  It’s funny how much she loves that game!

How about you?
Did you get to give any presents you were excited to give?
Get any gifts that you’re excited that you got?

1 – Matthew 25:40

While it was not a permanent departure from her life in Minnesota, it was a significant life transition.

I asked her, “How do you gamble losing all that?“

Erica smiled with a slight shrug, “The only thing that comes to mind is that I trusted God with it completely.”

Knowing her as well as I do I had an idea what she meant, but I pressed for more details. “I think it came out of so many years of God asking me to do things that were challenging. I’m amazed at God’s faithfulness. I had already known and trusted God with my life this was just another (decision to trust God with).”

This week millions will celebrate Christmas. Most of us will exchange presents, but it’s the notion of the presence of God that is most compelling when I think about Christmas.

Historical documents explain that God became incarnate and came to the Earth.

Erica is gambling that God still interacts with people. While biographers quote Jesus Christ’s conversations with family, friends, and enemies, Erica believes that God still speaks today.

She gambles. She believes.
– She believes God still speaks.
– She believes that you and I could hear from God.
– She believes that you and I could discern what God was in and what God was not in.

While it’s a gamble to leave everything behind Erica found that God met her needs.
– Even when she got ill.
– Even when she was too sick to get out of bed.
– Even when she found scorpions in her room.
– Even when she found a scorpion IN her bed

Humbly Erica adds, “I know God gifted me. I know God anointed me. I knew God would give me what I need each day.”

For Erica her faith in an unseen God who does not speak with a spoken voice is not a gamble, it’s a way of life.

How About You?

What gamble have you been talked out of and you wish that you had done?
What gamble might you be willing to take?

While driving home I realized that I was hungry.  I had seen a Subway restaurant along the road and that seemed like a good idea.  Then Turtle Lake Casino came to mind.  I knew I had just been paid, but I only had four dollars in cash.  It seemed kinda silly to walk into a casino with only four dollars, and food seemed like a much better idea.

Turn left into Subway?  Turn right to the casino?

Finally I rationalized that I could, if I lost all my money, wait an hour until I got home to eat; so, I pulled into the casino parking lot.

Dank & Dark

I was a sunny day outside.  Upon walking into the casino it seemed especially dark.  It felt emotionless and stale.  Colorful fluorescent lights only seemed to  highlight the dingy atmosphere. Undeterred I headed to the cashier.

I sheepishly placed my money — four dollar bills –  on the counter.  “Can I have quarters please?” Without a word, four piles of quarters slid across the counter.

I picked out a slot machine.  One after another I dropped the quarters into the slot.  In a couple of minutes all but five of quarters were all gone.

That’s when I heard the sound.  Clang.  Clang.  Clang.  Someone had won on the dollar slot machine.  It was a wealthy, exciting sound.

Poorer but Hopeful

I walked back to the cashier.  I slid four quarters across the counter and asked, “Can I have a dollar coin?”

I walked back to the machines with my quarter and my dollar coin.

I’ve prayed many times.  My prayers are diverse  Sometimes things go “my way” and others prayers — including that the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series — seem to get answered with a resounding no. 

I’m not of the opinion that God controls, manages or even necessarily cares about every detail of our lives.  On the other hand, I must admit that I prayed that I would win when I pulled the slot machine lever.

I pulled the lever.

I heard it.  I heard that sound again — Clang.  Clang.  Clang. — a total of twelve times.

Let’s assume that there was no divine intervention and it was simply a mathematical solution based on the machine’s algorithm, but, for whatever reason, I WON!

I Tripled My Money

It was a great feeling.  No wonder people keep playing.  They want to hear that sound again.  They want to feel the joy of winning.

What happened next?  I collected my winnings.

The cashier must have thought I was so odd, but about sixty seconds after I got my dollar coin I was back. I cashed it all in.  I said to the cashier, “I’ll never do that good again.  Time to leave.”

I kept one of the dollar coins as a souvenir to remind me of that day.

Lesson I Learned

I have played slots a few times since, but I have never again tripled my money.

My money-management principle when I play slots is to play only what I predetermine that I am willing to play. I never to play my winnings.

Slots is IMO entertainment.  If you play the slots, have fun, pay for your entertainment, then walk away.  Hopefully you’ll walk away with some money in your pocket.

I picked up pennies in the ground, checked phone booths and candy machines for unclaimed change.  I was always on the lookout for stray money.

Stray Money

When I was eleven or so I went with a youth leader and a group of boys for pizza.  I must admit I’m not certain what my previous experiences were in restaurants, but I know what I did that night.

Amazingly, as we were exiting the restaurant there sitting on the tables was money.  Just sitting there.  A dollar here;  dollar there, and no one seemed to notice.  I was small and fast.  I quickly grabbed up all the money I saw without anyone noticing.  I turned to John, the youth leader, with delight in my eyes, “Look!  Look at all the money I found!”  I was thrilled and wanted to share my joy.

John seemed a little confused and said, “Where did you find it?”

Unaware that my response might alter my circumstances I replied, “It was laying n those tables!”

As you can imagine, John tried valiantly to explain that the money was not mine, it belonged to someone elses and just unclaimed.

I valued money and happiness.  John valued those as well, but he also values honesty and integrity.

Values are the things that are most important to us.

What we do, what we think, what we invest in exposes our values; like it or not.  I added “like it or not” because I know, I KNOW, some of the ways that I spend my time and money reveals things abut me that I don’t like.

Let me back up a step.

What matters most to you?
What are your highest values?

Below is a list of values many people have.  Choose five, let’s call them your “Top 5″.  If one of your “Top 5″ isn’t in this list, add it.  You can have a write-in vote.

Happiness, Religious Beliefs, Fairness, Caring
Family, Peace, Self-Respect, Recognition        
Security, Learning, Courage, Variety                
Self-Discipline, Integrity, Physical Fitness, Loyalty        
Friendship, Creativity, Beauty, Rebelliousness                    
Fun, Humor, Adventure, Conformity            
Love, Honesty, Personal Growth, Hope

Think it through, what values are your highest and why?

I’m Not Opposed To Marketing, I’m Opposed To My Confused Values

Some Christian churches celebrate All Saints’ Day, and some do not. Millions of people voted on Election Day, but most people did not.  Millions recognize Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, but others prefer not to celebrate holidays connected to conflicts. 1

Marketers find many ways to make money on those holidays, but they all pale in comparison to “Black Friday.”

Wikipedia reports that “For many years, it was common for retailers to open at 6:00, but in the late 2000s, many had crept to 5:00 or even 4:00. This was taken to a new extreme in 2011, when several retailers (including Target, Kohls, Macy’s, Best Buy, and Bealls) will open at midnight for the first time…” 2

I would like good values too!

I’m Not Opposed To Merchants, I’m Opposed To My Envy

Billions of dollars where spent during Black Friday 2010.  Shopper Trak reported that, “more than 200 million shoppers crowded stores last year, spending $10.69 billion.” 3

Black Friday and Black Friday week ads are everywhere, and I’m not immune to greed.

I want an iPod because of advertising, and I have friends who like theirs.
I want a new car because of advertising, and millions of people have better cars.
I want  Batman: Arkham City because of advertising, and I have friends who love it.
I want the latest Dave Matthews Band DVDs because of advertising, envy and greed! 4

I’m Not Opposed To Materialism, As Much As I’m Opposed To Entitlement

“All of us,” writes Walt Mueller, “adults and kids alike have had the gospel of the American Dream pounded into us from the day we were born…Any of us…in today’s world know that materialism, entitlement, and narcissism are taught and caught at epidemic levels” 5

It’s funny and sad, but I have met so many people who actually don’t struggle with selfishness at all.  They believe that their selfishness is a right, a responsibility, an entitlement, a debt, or their source of hope.

I am caught up in the lies too.  This week I’m trying to be grateful for what I have and cut out entitlement.  I hate how selfish I am in a world in which people starve to death, lack clean water, freeze to death, die of preventable diseases and lack basic necessities.

God inspired Jesus’ brother James to write soul-piercing words, “Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning.” 6

“Please God forgive me for my envy, selfishness and my sense of entitlement.”

That is mysilentscream!

1 – National Day of Mourning

2 – Black Friday (shopping)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_%28shopping%29#cite_note-5

3 – Billions spent during Black Friday 2010

4 – I have well over 100 DMB concerts on audio or video.  Do I really “need” another one?!?  No, of course not!

5 – Selfishness

6 – James confronts entitlement read about it here.

I’m not immune to greed.

I want an iPod!  I’ve never had one.
I drive a ’96 minivan.  I want a new car.
I want  Batman: Arkham City.  It looks so fun!
I want Dave Matthews Band Eurpoe 2009 CD/DVD collection.  I love that band!
I want a bottle of Angel cologne.  It makes me smell so good.
I want a Wii to play games with Amy!

While we’re inundated with marketing strategies this week, I was determined not to shop for what I don’t need.  In order to cut my greed I decided to cultivate generosity by remembering what I was thankful for this past year.

Today as a family we read Psalm 107 to try to focus on our thoughts and feel thankful for the many blessings we have received.

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.“

“Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story“

I invite you to join us and for each person at your Thanksgiving gathering — who’s willing — to share a blessing from the past year. Maybe it’s been a really hard year.  The psalmist can relate. 

You are not alone!

“Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.”

Each of us has been blessed by God despite heart surgeries, eye surgeries, unemployment, aging, heartache, heartbreak, loneliness, hardship, mistakes and mishaps.

Another translation of that psalm expresses, “give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds.“ 

Most of all I am grateful for the love of God whose loves never fails.

I believe that when we remember to feel thankful for the many blessings we have it’s easier to choose to be generous.  I’m cutting greed out of my week.  I’m replacing it with generosity. 

More tomorrow.

PS – No, that’s not my Christmas list!

Note – I quoted Psalm 107 from the New Living Translation and ten the New International Version.  They are here.