Posted on Friday, July 27, 2012
in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values
In my fourth in a series on helping our child, lover or friend open up today we’re examining our tendency to give advice.
Maybe it’s just my problem,
Maybe I’m the only one reading these words who thinks “I know” better, who knows “what’s going on”, who can “see more clearly” than anyone else can, and who realized “what this is going to lead to”, but, probably not.
We mean well, we really do.
– Our friend has chosen to date someone they met on Facebook.
– Our lover is thinking of changing jobs.
– Our teen is not finding a job even though he says he’s “looked everywhere.”
– Our co-worker complains about her stomach problems after eating.
– Our boyfriend can’t seem to feel anything but “depressed.”
– Our mom complains about her health.
– Our girlfriend constantly has drama filled stories of life at home.
Monday I warned you about 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.
Tuesday I introduced you to 8 Benefits Of Asking Questions Instead Of Demanding To Be Heard.
Yesterday I expanded on those 8 benefits for parents, lovers and friends.
If you want to be helpful — and I know you do.
If you want to be loyal — and I know you do.
If you want to be caring — and I know you do.
Take a step back, here are seven reasons to avoid giving advice.
7 Reasons To Avoid Giving Advice
Let’s be honest, your advice could be wrong.
Giving advice allows him to blame you if your advice doesn’t work out.
Giving advice implies a lack of trust in her ability to solve problems on her own.
Giving advice interferes with his ability to develop confidence and competence in problem solving.
Giving advice robs the other person of the opportunity to think of possible solutions herself.
Giving advice prevents him from taking responsibility for his problems and teaches him to depend on someone else for solving his problems.
Ohhhhhhh, I hate when this has happened: Beware: Your advice could actually make the situation worse.