Last night I sat with a group of men, young and old; a forty-year spread among them. Teens, college students and, as I like to call them, “grownups” sat together.

I told them the story of “my crossroad.” I then asked them, “When was a time when things didn’t work out the way wanted them to?”

After a moment, one brave guy replied, “When I went to college. It was much different than high school. All my friends were gone.” Another guy listened, and added, “My first day as a teacher I almost threw up. Literally I almost threw up. I was so anxious.”

“Sometimes I just wanna choke somebody,” he said.

Exasperated with his friend, he was beside himself. “Why does he do such stupid things?” he asked no one. “What’s he thinking?” he continued.

I imagine the friends of this young man may have thought the same thing.

Somethings just don’t seem to make sense but all we wanna hear is something that does make sense. Unfortunately, too often we’re not really listening.

Listening Before Speaking

Yesterday I introduced you to the woman who cried alone.

She wept alone.
She didn’t choose to be alone.
She simply was alone.

The grocery store was full of alone people. Most did not choose to be alone. Some did.

Some were not alone; they were with family, friends, co-workers and colleagues.
They were with people in person.
And “with” people on their phones.

But that woman cried alone.
Until people stopped being alone.
And they started being together.

Together, No Longer Alone

She wept alone.

She cried.
Quietly.
Her cries muffled.
Muffled, but not muted.
Restricted, but not restrained.

She Wept Alone

There between the snack crackers and the cookies, she wept.

I heard her.
She heard her.
And, she heard her too.

A guy looked back and walked on.
Another woman peered over her shoulder. She barely hesitated.

Countless people in the grocery aisles, on their phones, passed by – without a glance – as she wept. Maybe they couldn’t hear? Maybe they couldn’t stop? Maybe they couldn’t care!

She Wept, Alone

Tomorrow is third anniversary of my second lease on life.

Tuesday March 1, 2011 I had a near-death experience.

While driving home – surprise – death came calling.

Death Came Calling

I was sitting at the intersection talking to my friend Jesse waiting to turn at the light. The green arrow lit up.

Time to go.

I started to turn left and stopped for no apparent reason.

My foot slowly rose off the gas pedal, for no apparent reason.

Suddenly…ZOOOOM!!!

When I am teaching people how to teach the Bible I have had a consistent message: “Pray, pray, pray, and, while maintaining healthy boundaries, teach what God is teaching you.

When you have the choice, teach what God has taught you recently or is teaching you now. It’s fresh.

Since you are teaching what you are learning it will come from you to your audience from the perspective of a learner.”

This is important to me because I have fallen into the trap of feeling like I needed to appear to be “the expert” more than I’d like to admit.

Last week a snowfall dumped ten inches of snow in our yard, driveway and on our streets. Many mysilentscream readers need no explanation, but allow me to explain for the rest. 1

When snow falls in urban areas, especially when snow falls in large amounts during weekdays, life continues. It may continue at a crawl, but people need to get home from school or work. They take the bus home, commute home, or drive home; they need to get home.

And, last week cars, buses, and trucks did what they do; they transported. They also compacted the freshly-fallen snow.

Yesterday I was playing goalie.

The score was tied.
A minute to play.

The broomball was free on the right side.

I checked my angles. I checked my distance from the goal. I felt confident I was close enough to make a play.

I raced up to the ball.

Vivian (pictured in the back row, second from the left), our best goal scorer was near their goal crease. I knew if I got to the ball and made a good pass, that Vivian could win the game for us.

Yesterday I sat in a chair and cheered.

I sat watching the Olympics. I cheered the Olympic skiers working the half-pipe. They were defying gravity, defying discouragement and defying their previous failures.

Yesterday I also sat with several friends. I cheered them on. These friends are working through pain. Like the skiers they were defying gravity, defying discouragement and defying their previous failures.

The skiers were surrounded by fans.
My friends were surrounded by friends.

Circumstances are different but the skiers and my friends have some things in common.
They can fall.
They can fail.
They’ve done it before.

For as long as I can recall I have struggled with the fear of rejection and the fear of failure. Though I’ve made progress, the battle continues.

Maybe you struggle with those fears too.

There are many things I try to elevate up my sense of self worth including personal happiness, hearty laughter at home, healthy friendships and professional success, but nothing seems to have lasting impact.

I have loving family members, caring friends, wise mentors, learned teachers, honorable leaders, truth-telling pastors, life-coaches and counselors, and a pile of good books, but it’s still not enough.